Goodbye.... !

I think its time to write to you now. Though I know I dont have to write something to you to convey it to you anymore. You can read my mind and thoughts. Its time I let you go, cz I know and believe very strongly that, the way to gain anything is to let it go.' And I feel its time I let you go, so that you can come back on your own, and I know you will come back, you have to come back!

The past few days were very bad, yes ofcourse I blame you for that. I'm not going to be sugary sweet like everyone else, I have never been like that, and I will never be. You. Yes, you are the reason for my sudden outburst of tears, for my sudden tiredness, for my sudden depression in the past few days. Yes, I have a bag full of complaints for you, and you should be ashamed of that. Never. Never ever have you given me a such a chance before, but today is different. I hope you can see everything from up there. I hope the vision from up there is very clear. I dont need to say anymore. You must have already seen your parents, your friends, me...everyone! Do you still need me to say anything else?  No, I wont! Silence kills the most, and I want you to be ashamed for your silence. Your eternal silence.

I still remember that day, when I first spoke to you. Although it is very hazy now, but the imprints are very deep. I had asked for your moral science notebook. The decorative and creative cover that you had put, had caught my eyes the very second you placed it on your desk. I know what you told your mom about me. 'There's a new girl in my class. She's fair and tall and thin, and eats a lot of butter. On top of that brings an apple too, and finished it all before the bell rings.' Aunty had told me this plenty of times. I had always smiled at this description. Had I known, you were to go so soon, I would have asked for some more memories of ours, spend more time with you, been more kind to you...if only I had known.....

Do you remember, when we had just started reading Nancy Drew books, and we both wanted to be detectives? I had written my first invisible letter to you with orange juice, and you had ironed it and read it? It was my first invitation to you to my colony. I had invited you and uncle - aunty to my colony for navratri. We had played garba all night. Those were the initial days of our everlasting bonding, the friendship which eventually made many people jealous! Maybe even God....

Do you remember our badminton games? All winter nights...just you, me and badminton. We would play till the shuttle cork would turn nothing but a few crooked feathers. Dont you remember those hopscotch games? When we bruised our knees and sprained our ankles? Dont you remember those cycling sessions? When I taught you how to cycle? Dont you remember those evenings when we would ride all around my colony? Dont you remember the times when you fell down and bruised your knees and elbows? You never cried...but aunty would come running to see if you were fine. The times when you would panic and leave your cycle and just simply step down and stand aside, while your cycle would go and dash the object infront. I wish I had taught you not to panic too....

Do you remember our cycle races? While returning home from school, we would have cycling races with each other, or sometimes with some other group of our school or any other random school. All we needed was a group of cyclers, and we would instinctively go racing with them! Do you remember the times when we discovered the huge empty road (now it flaunts the famous restaurant - Timeless), and we'd race there for 10-15 minutes everyday, before getting exhausted and heading our home. I wish I had made you cycle with me on the highway too, so that you would get rid of your highway-phobia too.....

Do you remember those endless and tireless dance rehearsals we had together? That one song on which we danced almost 5 times...'badle se badla nahi jaega....' Those straw ornaments we made together for the entire group. And the countless classes we bunked together to practice dance. Later, our rehearsal center became your house. And those small refreshments of juices and bhel that aunty would hand us. Dont you remember our group dance competition? The bengali dance group. Your house was our rehearsal center  and we would all rush home, have lunch, and immediately head back to your place for the countless dance practices. We both had choreographed the entire song. And we had won the 2nd prize too! Hadn't that group done classical dance...that first prize was ours! Dont you still remember the tune of that song? Shohag chand bodoni dhoni naacho toh dekhi.... bala naacho toh dekhi.... bala naacho toh dekhi.... bala naacho toh dekhi.....

Dont you remember our early morning bike rides? Your early morning wake up call, and I'd so sleepily say, 'Yaar, kal chalte hai, aj tu bhi so jaa, main bhi so rhi hun.' Dont you remember it all? Dont you remember our outings? Marine drive, chaupati, oxford bookstore, borivli national park.... I wish I had spend more time with you......

Dont you remember it all. I know, you are in a much better place now. I believe that. I know you He called you up there, cz maybe he needed you more than we do. But, dont you think 20 years is way too less to live life fully? I know it is. I know, there were many more things yet to be done, yet to be enjoyed, yet to be faced. But maybe he really did need someone as good, as honest, as pure and as silly like you. Or wait, I know why he called you. He needed a girl who talked like a boy! And trust me, there was none other in this world than you! And aren't you enjoying there? No books...no exams...no studies... just TV and Tang the whole day. And a pinch of your paan masala after meal, can heaven be any more enjoyable?!

Its time I let you go, only then can you return back quickly. Its time to say goodbye. There are many more things to be said, many many confessions to be made, many many things to be shared. And I will share them with you, its a promise! Whenever things will go out of my control, whenever things are too much for me to handle, whenever I need to share something, I will write to you. Thats how how we express ourselves best, dont we? I will keep writing visible and invisible letters always. Just one request, do reply to them all....cz I will always be waiting for replies.

PS - My oldest and one of the bestest friend - Titiksha Garg, met with a road accident on 30th october and passed away. It is to her. Although I say I have let her go, I have said goodbye...but it is not really that easy! It is going to take me sometime to bid her adieu. But it is one fact I truly believe in, that she is in a much better place right now, and I am happy for her!
Cheers Titiksha ! :)