My Valentine....forever !

"Naa...naa.. Brave girls dont cry! You are my brave girl na?"
She nodded in response while wiping off the tears from her mud-smeared face. Her bright milky-white face was now full of dust, sweat and tears. The tears were leaving a trail on her mud-caked cheeks. Her cheeks were red hot and she was trying hard to control her sobs.
"You are my brave girl na?"
She nodded again. This time more swift and determined nods. Yes, she was a brave girl.
"And brave girls dont cry, hai na...?"
She managed a weak smile while violently nodding her head. Yes, she was a brave girl.
Her knees and elbows were bleeding, and her favourite frock was dirty. She almost recovered from her sobs and was feeling better. He was now telling her stories from his childhood, how he used to fall off from trees and scratch his knees and elbows, and sometimes break his bones. She was lost in his world, giggling at the funny stories, gasping and tsk-ing when he fell and hurt himself. Her pain was something she didnt remember anymore, she was now in his world, climbing trees with him, stealing mangoes and jamuns from the trees, bathing in river outlets, dozing off in the fields while being woken up by the cows or buffaloes grazing besides. She loved listening to his stories. They were her bed time essentials. They transported her to a world free from her mother scolding her, her tuition teacher asking her for the home-work, her school teacher running behind her with a cane stick, her brother snatching her favourite candy from her hand, their neighbour complaining her mom for every little thing she did, the stray dogs on the road chasing her. His stories freed her from everything that she disliked.

Without stopping his chain of stories he cleaned her wound slowly, nonchalantly. The oohs-aahs were involuntary, she wasnt aware of him cleaning her wounds, she was still cheering at him, while he played gilli-danda with the roudy boys of his neighbourhood  hitting the gilli as far as possible, and she would clap with glee. Her wounds were her least concern now, infact she had forgotten what happened half an-hour ago. There were so many more interesting things to wonder about, and he had opened the door to her imaginary world.

She could barely recall the last time she slept with her mother. Dada was her most favourite bed-companero. His stories would put her off to sleep, and she would get up cuddled besides him. He definetly was a magician. He magically made her smile and giggle, even after a bad caning from her mother. He helped her with all her homework. And magically he knew all the answers to all her questions! She would ask him the most difficult questions from her text book and he would answer them without even looking at her notebook! His handwriting was so beautiful, unlike her crooked, battered handwriting. He even knew the most difficult things of all, the multiplication tables! He knew them all! Once she asked him 100 100 za... and without even thinking or hesitating with err..errr...er... he simply said 10000. She even sat and multiplied it to check if it was correct, and yes it was! He truly was a magician! He knew everything! And the best part was, he was her favourite best friend, who would also sneak a few aath-anas into her palm every now and then when the kulfi-wallah made rounds of her locality in the evening. Not just that, he would also ensure that her mother didnt see the kulfi stains on her frock. He would run to her hearing her scream even in the middle of the night. And the best part about him was that he never let her alone in dark. He always accompanied her in the dark room, or dark lane, even if it was just a hundred yards away. He could made studies so much fun, and her dictation spellings, multiplication tables, history, geography used to be a cakewalk with him, she often wondered why her tuition teacher and school teacher could not be like dadu. Studying would be so much fun then! She would have loved to study and not hated books in that case.

Their bed-time ritual consisted of him narrating a fairy-tale  and she would beg and plead for another story, and this would continue till she dozed off. This meant it took her 5-6 stories each night to doze off. She couldnt help it, his stories were so interesting, dozing off was the last thing she wanted to do after hearing them. There were times when he would doze off in-between a story and she would wake him and hand him the thread where he left the story. She even didnt mind the repeat of stories. She just liked listening to him for hours before dozing off, and it could mean he exaggerating a fairy-tale , narrating the panchatantra stories or simply talking about his childhood. She just loved listening to him. His voice and arms was what she needed to sleep, more than stories. She needed him instead of her mother or father. He was a all-in-one for her. Give her dada, and she doesnt want anything else in this world, not even ice-cream or golas or kulfi or gol-gappa! He was her favourite...anytime, and she would never do anything which upset him, probably that was the sole reason she went to school and did her homework and learnt her lessons on time. He never had scolded her, and she got scared when he got angry, but somehow, even in that anger he always managed to give her a smile followed by a wink, and she'd relax again...getting engrossed in the things she did best...play and run around the house. He'd take her to her dance classes on his Lambretta, and she'd enjoy the ride with him more than her Kathak classes.


"You are growing up so fast!"  he'd always tell her, and she'd wonder how could she grow up fast when things around her dont change at all. He must be exaggerating, she often thought to herself. Little did she knew, that time really does fly. That one day, when she will begin to understand that time really does fly, and that she really is growing up quickly, and he's growing old quickly too, and that one day, time will run out. That she will have to race against time. That there will be no more story-telling sessions. That she will have to bid him goodbye so soon. That she will have no more have book reading competitions with him. That she will never again go for an evening walk with him. That he will never buy her a diary milk again. That he will never gift her a pen again. That she'll never again get to sleep with him. That he'll never again wipe off her tears. That he'll never tell her a story again. That he'll never smile and wink at her again.

Little did she know, that he was really a magician, who knew the preciousness and importance of time. Little did she know, that her dada was a magician too !

PS - Its Valentine's Day today... and I have never loved anybody more than him. He was, is, and always will be my valentine, forever ! So here's wishing dada a very happy valentine's day ! I know he's reading it too... so I just want to let him know that I miss him a lot.

PPS - Wishing all of you a happy Valentine's day ! May your love be as eternal as the sky...and as pure as the fire... May your life be filled with love of all sizes and shapes ! And may you have a lovely year ahead !

"Within you, I lose myself. Without you, I feel myself wanting to be lost again."

To love...
         Cheers !

MISTAKES !

"History tends to repeat itself  

if you don't learn from it."

One of my strongest memories from school days is wondering why do we have to study history. The logic I often applied to it was, the people in our history textbooks have done great work, agreed, but they are dead now, and it is all past, so why should we study about what people did back in those days? Why cant we study about people who are still alive and doing something worth-while? And my teachers often told me that we study history so that we don't repeat the mistakes our fore-fathers committed. But I remember arguing that we live in a completely different world altogether, neither are we going to construct temples like the Cholas did, or are we going to have another war like the mughals did, nor are we living in a colonial world now so as to learn how to get rid of the Britishers, so we wont be needing the satyagrahas anymore too! That was me when I was in school...I was naive, just like everyone in school days is. We are too naive to understand the realities of life. We tend to take everything on the face value. But that was forgivable as we were still kids!

Now when I am growing up, I understand the importance of history. Not just the history text books but also our own history. Now I understand how powerful history can actually be ! It can teach you so many lessons. They say, life is the biggest teacher, but I'd say time is the biggest teacher. Our past can teach us way more than we can readily grasp. Our past can show us those hidden mysterious paths and lead us to the other end of the tunnel. It is so strange in itself, the fact that your past can make your future, such a paradox!

Off recently, life has been testing me. Many incidents from my past started reappearing in my present, and it was my decision whether I wanted to carry them to my future or not. It is always our decision whether to carry our past into our future, we just don't realize it most of the times.

When we see anything from our past, we run towards it either due to nostalgia or to find answer to some unanswered questions. Either of the case, we are drawn to it, without realizing that we are actually unknowingly letting or past enter our future. Unknowingly we make the same mistakes again, and thus the entire complex cycle of past-events-ruining-my-present-and-my-future begins! And once it begins, it is very difficult to put an end to it, trust me !

To know that building our future is in own hands, and we are the one who shapes it, irrespective of what shape it takes eventually, is the biggest hurdle crossed. Once you know that everything is in our hands, that you are the master of your own destiny, you have the master key that will fit any lock you want. Of course, it takes great courage to take the responsibility of your life on yourself. To be able to say that my life is like this because of my own deeds is not a joke. You need a heart of steel and courage as much as the air on this planet. Its not going to be easy, but who said life was going to be easy anyway!

I do not wish to complicate it at all. The conclusion is very simple, you wish to move ahead in life, you wish to make your life better than you had till now, you want to make your life a success? Then there is just one mantra, learn from your past mistakes, and more importantly, do no repeat them ever again. Temptations will always try to divert you from your goal. There will be many temptations. your past may tempt you to look back once again...just once, but that once may be the end of all story! 

By this, I don't mean to say, don't make mistakes...hell no! make mistakes, make as many mistakes as you want, but there is just one condition, make those mistakes just once. Never repeat them. Always remember, If you don't have margin for your errors, your errors will kill you.

FEAR ...

Psalm 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?


Fear. What is fear? Dictionary says it is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. But what is fear to you? For me, fear is that feeling when I cant sleep at night... that feeling when my body aches due to the tension it is experiencing... that feeling when my heart beats twice as faster... that feeling when I dont know what will happen next...

In the last few days, I have learnt many thing... rather many life lessons, to be precise. I have learnt how to handle pressure. I have leanrt how to be on the right side of the path always...and how to stick to it, no matter how difficult it is to walk on it. I have learnt how not to make compromises, and how to live on your own terms (and I have also learnt that living on your own terms gives you that kick-ass happiness which nothing else can!) The last few days have been so much enriching that I thank God for letting me experience a peice of everything. What the last few days have taught me... I dont think anything or rather anyone else could have taught me. I feel a sense of joy and satisfaction when I think about the valuable lessons I have learnt.

My dad always tells me, Nothing can be done before or beyond time. And he's right. There is a time for everything and everyone...and recognizing the time and using it to your advantage is the secret to success.

Are you wondering why I started my blog with the topic "FEAR" ? Because right now I feel that. I am scared...yes I am. Its a different feeling for me, because I am not one of those hesitant vulnerable girls who are afraid of almost every second thing they come across. I am the exact opposite. And I am proud that I am like this. Sometimes I do become a little overconfident and make mistakes...but I learnt from my mistakes, and vow to never repeat them ever again. I make mistakes, ofcourse...but different mistakes each time! So, this tingling scary feeling that I feel right now is pretty new to me... specially because I know I have not done a blunder. To be on the right path and still to feel that slight pinch of fear is what I am going through right now.

I suddenly remembered that book... "A walk to remember" by Nicholas Sparks, where the girl always carries her Bible with her as it gives her courage to get rid of her fears. It gives her courage to face the new challenges and always be on the right path and stick to it no matter what...and ofcourse to remind her that God is always there to take care of her. Its a beautiful novel. Period. But what makes it more beautiful is the innocence and strength with which the girl and the boy both fight their fears and come out of it.

Life is not a bed of roses...thorns adorn it more than the velvety petals, but the real challenge is to fight your fears and come out as a winner. And when you become the winner, you will thank the thorns for making you stronger!

Liars and the lies !

               

 “People lie to you at some point... Because.....          

  You are more important than the truth...!!"

Yes, I like to believe that. I like to believe, like, Anne Frank, that people really are good at heart...and that they don't intend harm to anyone knowingly. Yeah, I have been believing that since time immemorial, and have I been disappointed? Hell, ofcourse, yes! I have been disappointed so many times...but I have never kept a grudge against anyone. I have never pointed my finger at them and yelled that it was all their fault. I have never accused them of any situation or any circumstance. I have always given them a benefit of doubt.  

We all are humans. And mistakes...knowingly or unknowingly are our patent rights. Gods never make mistakes...it is we who do it! If we didn't commit mistakes, we would be God! Have you ever thought how would it be to be a God? I have. And I have realized that it would be hell boring to be God! I mean, just think...no mistakes, no saying sorry...no laughing over your silliness...nobody scolding you over your mistakes...no second chance....no saying "I wont repeat it"... no learning lessons...no growing up....no sneaking out at midnight to eat ice-cream and then regretting it the next morning! How would it feel? I know the answer...it would feel like God! But do we really want to be like Gods? If you ask me...I would say NO! I am very happy being a human...a humble, faulty, error-ed  messed-up human. There's a joy in being a human that is not there in being a God. You may think that I'm trying to say "angoor khatte hai".... but if you give me the option of having khatte angoor or being a God... I'd still prefer khatte angoor. Because, it is pretty simple, there's sort-of-a-joy in being messed-up and full of errors! 

Coming back to lies.... My theory about liars is that, there always is a reason for each lie. I am saying that because I too am a liar at certain times. Yes, I have lied a lot...to many people! I cant say if there is anyone in this world whom I have not lied to... I know you have already judged me in your mind, but thats okay, because right now I'm not a liar. Right now, I have confessed the truth. I'm a human...and to lie and to error is human nature! 
It is easier said than done, I know. And it was not easy for me to forgive the liars in my life too, trust me, it was one of the hardest thing to do...ever! It takes time, ofcourse. Time heals...without a prescribed time limit. But time is the only healer....the only panacea in this world.  

When I say, liars should be forgiven, I dont mean you must embrace them irrespective of what they have done. Neither am I being the lawyer of the liars. All I'm saying is that, give them a benefit of doubt. It sure helps uncomplicating the things. 

Rain rain go away....

           Just as I flip the page of my book, the curtains of my room start flowing as though they are trying to tell me something. They flow so dramatically and happily that I'm stuck at their sight for a complete minute. They dance away to the tunes of the breeze and the cool romantic breeze envelopes me with a sense of dreamy visuals. The pages of my book turned so quickly as if they were suddenly freed from the prison and now they can go and meet their lover. The entire environment in my room right now is so romantic, I feel like falling in love. Embracing the cool breeze, mesmerised by the scent of the earth, hugging the meandering sways of wind, inhaling the wreathing air....I feel like I'm lost in an unknown country. A land meant to be heaven. A land meant only for the gods and demigods. It feels so pristine, I could say this is heaven.

             I walk up to the window, open it ajar. The breeze brings along droplets of molten dew. These sparkling dribs caress my face and I think if what I felt just a few minutes ago was an illusion? Coz now what I feel feels more like heaven. The tender drops touch my face, the heavy lightning electrify the night sky as if the King God just gifted his queen the most beautiful diamond necklace to show his affection and love for her, and the entire sky sparkled with its sheen. The thunder feels like all the demigods and celestial nymphs clapped together at this auspicious ceremony.

               I close my eyes and stand right there, lost in my own world, dreaming of a world which appears only in dreams. As the drops turn into scanty shower, I bathe my mind and soul in this celestial shower. My body drenched in this powerful yet so humble cascade, my mind feels lost. I cant think any beyond. I feel like the mermaid who has just been ushered into heaven. The rain pours onto me as if to cleanse all my impurities and give me a new life...a new direction...a new reason to live!

              Lost in my thoughts...ever so unmindful, touring the heaven and creating stories in my mind, I failed to realize that my bedroom was a flooded land now, and my bed a soaked sponge! And before I could think of ways to undo the situation, and turn this flood zone back into my little haven, the queen of my house appeared right in front of my eyes. And well, the rest , as they say, is history......

Excuse me, will you let me clean my room now? huh!!

        rain rain go away....come again another day....

Basic of Life !

 When You Feel life is out of Focus, always return to the most Basic of Life :

   -->     GOD     B R E A T H I N G .

     No Breathe , No Life !

Old Lessons !

An old Cherokee told his grandson:

“My son, there’s a battle between two wolves inside us all.
One is EVIL.
It’s anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego.
The other is GOOD.
It’s joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness & truth.”

The boy though about it, and asked:
“Grandfather, which wolf wins?”

The old man quietly replied:
“THE ONE YOU FEED.”

  PS - Sometimes, all we need is a reminder to the old lessons ! :)