Recreating the Masterpiece

Attention please ! The girl to whom this blog belongs is missing, and I am here trying to get back in touch with her, so that I can hand over her things...her life, to her. This post is a way to tell her to come and reclaim her life.

My life has become so boring of-lately, I'm not really sure if this really is my life, or am I living a pseudo-life. I dont know why and how am I taking things so lightly. I am so eased out regarding a few things. I have messed a few things in my life so much. My life looks like a big mess. But how did it all happen? Something is wrong... something is missing... but what? Maybe I have worn out my spark. Yes. The spark. exactly. The spark is missing. I dont feel enthusiastic about reading something new. Probably I really have lost my spark. But how do I get it back ? I feel so lost at times. Its like I am facing a new me these days, and I dont seem to like the new me. I prefer the old me. Although yes, I am inching towards the old me slowly again, but I want the old me back really really fast. I have become this extremely boring person who is boring me out too. I dont like reading anymore... I have stopped writing completely... the last time I really wrote was like a year back! Whoaa... what the fuck have I done to myself! I dont know. I. just. dont. know!

I have become this completely new person, who is so eased out about everything important to my old self. My old self took reading , writing , career , friends very seriously. My new self has stopped reading and writing , it is on the verge of fucking my career , and it has hurt some of my closest and bestest friends in my life! Now that is called some serious screwed up life! Wow...

But my life is going to have a happy ending. Yes. When on my deathbed, I will have zero regrets. I will smile happily before dying. I will live my life exactly how I have planned, and I will die peacefully. And since I'm not dying today... I still have time to correct a few things around. Because, well, as they say .... "Jab jaago, tab savera" ! :)

So, good morning Aditi ! Good morning to the old Aditi. And I hear the doctor say, the old Aditi will be back from her coma soon...very soon. She must follow some prescription medicines, and she will jump back to a healthy life. The medicines are nothing new... they are the age old ayurveda medicines, and have worked since times immemorial. So the cure is guaranteed. All that is needed is some discipline, and perseverance. That's all. She must start writing again, even if it is just a paragraph, but she must write everyday. And she must read everyday. Try and finish her pending list of books that she so lovingly bought and stocked up on her bookshelf. And well, pay some serious attention to her bloating body. A good workout? Or a fresh jog in the morning? Or maybe a dip in the pool? The prescription actually sounds fun! And I am very excited about it too. Excited to bring my old self back to life. I so miss the old me. I miss the spark in her eyes. I miss the spark in my life. So I will get back the spark. Anyhow.

Maybe this is real essence of life. Falling all apart, and then picking up all the pieces one by one, and recreating the masterpiece of ur life. For only when you move beyond fear, you feel free. And unless u r free, you can never build a masterpiece.

Cheers to this Zindagi !!
#LoveUZindagi #YOLO ! <3

Behtar... aur behtar...

There comes a point in life when everything comes to a stand-still. The path you were walking on since so long seems lost. You suddenly find yourself lost in the middle of desert. There is no enthusiasm...no energy...no fresh vigor...nothing new. The spice in life seems missing. You find yourself on an island, and even treading out in the open sea feels very dangerous. I am at that point of life. everything seems frozen. Life seems to have come to a full stop. You can see the Everest, but your feet feels glued to the ground. And although you want to reach the Everest, you don't feel encouraged enough to take the journey ahead. You lack encouragement...energy...enthusiasm. You feel like going back home since treading the remaining journey seems very boring and tiresome to you. You give excuses to yourself as to why you cant make it to the Everest, but somewhere deep down, you know you dont belong here, you belong to the Everest...up there, right at the top of the peak...thats where you belong. But without enthusiasm and energy, you cant even take a step further, forget climbing the Everest!

What do you do then ?

Run away? Stay right there, and keep convincing yourself why you are still standing there and not at the Everest. You know it is because of your own laziness, you know the truth. But you keep giving excuses... excuses to hide the scars... excuses to see yourself in the mirror. But are you really able to look into your eyes , and not feel ashamed? You are not. Because you know you got what you worked for. You know you didnt work as much hard as you should have. You know you are stagnant and stinking because you chose to. You know you could have been the Gangotri, but you chose to be the stinky pond because of your choice of actions.

What do you do then?

Sit there and sulk ? Or get up, take responsibility for your actions, and be responsible for your future course of life. Decide for yourself what you want to be... A lazy stinky pond? Or the fresh speedy Gangotri? Of course, being Gangotri isn't easy... there will be many rocky mountains that you will have to cross. Many impossible roads that you will have to cut and make a way for yourself. Many big ups and downs you will have to face. Many hard rocks will have to cut. And many a times stay stagnated at a place and work consistently and never lose hope. But the result will be immensely satisfying. The result will be the Holy Ganges. 'You' will be the Holy Ganges. You will be the epitome of purity and progress. You will be worshiped as a Goddess, and you will be renowned the world over. You will at the pinnacle of Everest... a place where you belong.

But at the same time, being a pond is the easiest. You sit at one place the whole day, see the same horizon every single day, and be part of the same daily chore, and keep sulking on the fact that you are stuck being a pond. The decision is always and always on us. The onus to be what we be in our life is always on us. Whether we be a river or a pond!

Of course, you will meet a few angels on your way. They will make the journey easier for you. They will help you when you are on the verge of losing all hope. But dont expect them to be by your side forever. They wont. They were sent for a purpose, which when fulfilled, they too will be gone. Cherish those magical memories, but dont hang onto them, expecting them to last forever. Nothing lasts forever. No-one stays forever. Learn to let go, and move on... on your own journey in life. People will come, people will go, but you must keep moving, till the very last day of your life.

So, life is not going to be a bed of roses, for anybody! But at least we can prevent it from being a bed of thorns. A simple ideology, a simple living, and a simple life is all we all strive for. But having accomplished these things for our own life, if we are able to make even an ounce of difference in somebody else's life, that is what really makes the difference. That is what really sets us apart from the others.

The urge to keep moving forward in life, and never be stagnated by anything is the real way to live life. The constant urge to be better than before, and make this world a better place than it was yesterday , is the real secret to life.

Just like a friend always says,
"Sometimes all you need is, Ghadi detergent.... behtar... aur behtar... aur behtar...."

Liars and the lies !

               

 “People lie to you at some point... Because.....          

  You are more important than the truth...!!"

Yes, I like to believe that. I like to believe, like, Anne Frank, that people really are good at heart...and that they don't intend harm to anyone knowingly. Yeah, I have been believing that since time immemorial, and have I been disappointed? Hell, ofcourse, yes! I have been disappointed so many times...but I have never kept a grudge against anyone. I have never pointed my finger at them and yelled that it was all their fault. I have never accused them of any situation or any circumstance. I have always given them a benefit of doubt.  

We all are humans. And mistakes...knowingly or unknowingly are our patent rights. Gods never make mistakes...it is we who do it! If we didn't commit mistakes, we would be God! Have you ever thought how would it be to be a God? I have. And I have realized that it would be hell boring to be God! I mean, just think...no mistakes, no saying sorry...no laughing over your silliness...nobody scolding you over your mistakes...no second chance....no saying "I wont repeat it"... no learning lessons...no growing up....no sneaking out at midnight to eat ice-cream and then regretting it the next morning! How would it feel? I know the answer...it would feel like God! But do we really want to be like Gods? If you ask me...I would say NO! I am very happy being a human...a humble, faulty, error-ed  messed-up human. There's a joy in being a human that is not there in being a God. You may think that I'm trying to say "angoor khatte hai".... but if you give me the option of having khatte angoor or being a God... I'd still prefer khatte angoor. Because, it is pretty simple, there's sort-of-a-joy in being messed-up and full of errors! 

Coming back to lies.... My theory about liars is that, there always is a reason for each lie. I am saying that because I too am a liar at certain times. Yes, I have lied a lot...to many people! I cant say if there is anyone in this world whom I have not lied to... I know you have already judged me in your mind, but thats okay, because right now I'm not a liar. Right now, I have confessed the truth. I'm a human...and to lie and to error is human nature! 
It is easier said than done, I know. And it was not easy for me to forgive the liars in my life too, trust me, it was one of the hardest thing to do...ever! It takes time, ofcourse. Time heals...without a prescribed time limit. But time is the only healer....the only panacea in this world.  

When I say, liars should be forgiven, I dont mean you must embrace them irrespective of what they have done. Neither am I being the lawyer of the liars. All I'm saying is that, give them a benefit of doubt. It sure helps uncomplicating the things. 

Rain rain go away....

           Just as I flip the page of my book, the curtains of my room start flowing as though they are trying to tell me something. They flow so dramatically and happily that I'm stuck at their sight for a complete minute. They dance away to the tunes of the breeze and the cool romantic breeze envelopes me with a sense of dreamy visuals. The pages of my book turned so quickly as if they were suddenly freed from the prison and now they can go and meet their lover. The entire environment in my room right now is so romantic, I feel like falling in love. Embracing the cool breeze, mesmerised by the scent of the earth, hugging the meandering sways of wind, inhaling the wreathing air....I feel like I'm lost in an unknown country. A land meant to be heaven. A land meant only for the gods and demigods. It feels so pristine, I could say this is heaven.

             I walk up to the window, open it ajar. The breeze brings along droplets of molten dew. These sparkling dribs caress my face and I think if what I felt just a few minutes ago was an illusion? Coz now what I feel feels more like heaven. The tender drops touch my face, the heavy lightning electrify the night sky as if the King God just gifted his queen the most beautiful diamond necklace to show his affection and love for her, and the entire sky sparkled with its sheen. The thunder feels like all the demigods and celestial nymphs clapped together at this auspicious ceremony.

               I close my eyes and stand right there, lost in my own world, dreaming of a world which appears only in dreams. As the drops turn into scanty shower, I bathe my mind and soul in this celestial shower. My body drenched in this powerful yet so humble cascade, my mind feels lost. I cant think any beyond. I feel like the mermaid who has just been ushered into heaven. The rain pours onto me as if to cleanse all my impurities and give me a new life...a new direction...a new reason to live!

              Lost in my thoughts...ever so unmindful, touring the heaven and creating stories in my mind, I failed to realize that my bedroom was a flooded land now, and my bed a soaked sponge! And before I could think of ways to undo the situation, and turn this flood zone back into my little haven, the queen of my house appeared right in front of my eyes. And well, the rest , as they say, is history......

Excuse me, will you let me clean my room now? huh!!

        rain rain go away....come again another day....

Old Lessons !

An old Cherokee told his grandson:

“My son, there’s a battle between two wolves inside us all.
One is EVIL.
It’s anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego.
The other is GOOD.
It’s joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness & truth.”

The boy though about it, and asked:
“Grandfather, which wolf wins?”

The old man quietly replied:
“THE ONE YOU FEED.”

  PS - Sometimes, all we need is a reminder to the old lessons ! :)

They say.........

They say, you are not the same anymore, you have changed! I look at them sarcastically and think to myself, yes I'm no more the same, I have changed, when did I deny that. I know I'm no more that sweet girl who'd listen to all your non-sense with a lock on her lips. Yes, I have changed. I dont do every damn thing that you tell me to, I am no more your puppet, and yes I have changed. I use my head, I take my own decisions and I decide whats right and wrong for me. Yes, I have changed, changed for better.

They say, you no longer are what you used to be, and I say, yes, when did I tell you I'll always be the same. When did I promise I'll never change. Did I take an oath to be with you forever? No. So how did you assume I'll always be what I used to be then. I say, it is your fault not mine. Yes, I am no longer the person who I used to be, but I never said I'll never change.

They say, you no longer have time for me, and I say, yes I dont have time for you. Yes, you no longer in my priority list. Yes, I prefer meeting other people over you. Yes, I prefer talking to other people and not you. But when did I sign a contract with you, stating I'll always talk to you. When did I say you will be the only person on my contact list. When did I say you will be my priority forever. When did I promise not to talk to other people over you.

They say, you dont care anymore, and I say, true, I dont care anymore. When did I say I'll always care for you. When did I promise I'll always be at your side. When did I say you'll always be on my mind. True, I have other people to care about. Yes, you are not the only one in my life. So, stop expecting things to freeze in the past, where you are so stuck up, and move on.

They say, you look different! I know what they mean, they mean, you look ugly, but hell yeah, when did I tell you I'll always look my best. I do have a mirror at home, and trust me, I look at at it everytime before stepping out. So I know I look ugly, but when did I say I always look beautiful. I am not a plastic face, or a face plastered with plastic, so I look as I am, the true me, the natural me, and I know how I look. Yes, I look different, but did I promise to look the same ever!

They say, they said, and they will keep saying. But I never said I'll keep listening to them. I never promised I'll always do what they feel I should be doing. I never said I'll be what they want me to be. I am what I am, and I give a f*** at what they think I should be doing!!

Squeeze me like a lemon....!

Dear life,

There have been so many times when you have squeezed me like a lemon, crushed me like a sugar-cane, blended me like the coriander leaves and grated me like the onions, to bring out the best in me, and you have succeeded very successfully in doing that. And I am thankful for all that, yes I am! You've made me stronger and helped me grow like the coconut... strong, stout and hard from the outside, but soft and creamy from inside. I'm glad for that, yes I am! You've taught me so many things in all these 20 years that I can only be thankful to you. You have shown me success and failures too! There have been times when I sat in the corner and cried, but you have shown me moments too, when I proudly flaunt and rave about my achievements. You have given me many gold medals, and you have given me red lines in my report-cards too! You have shown me the good and the bad about various things in life, and made me wiser, and I thank you today for everything you have done and given me. There have been times when I fell down and scrapped my knees and shed tears that could fill a river, but you have also taught me that falling is the first step towards rising! Without failure there is no succes, without tears there is no happiness, and without night there cannot be a day.

I thank you for making me realize your value and importance. There are times when you have been unfair, unjust, rude and mean to me, or so I have felt, but you have always made me realize that with every bad thing comes a good thing. You have made me cry but you have made me laugh harder. You have pushed me into depression but you have given me tons of memories to cherish too! You have closed many doors on my face, but you have opened many new doors too! You have locked me in the dark room but you have also always slid in a candle and a matchbox to keep me company and get rid of the darkness around me. I have fallen many a times but you have always sent someone to hold me and wipe my tears and comfort me with good words and advise. You have given me many teary nights, but many laughter bouts too! You have given me a handful of enemies but a whole bunch of friends too. You have made me realize that it is not always the blood relations that really matter, relations can be build overnight with a complete stranger. It is not always necessary that whatever you do, people will do the same to you. Just because you are a vegetarian, doesnt mean, the tiger wont eat you! You've taught me to always expect the unexpected. You've taught me that no matter how perfect the lie is, it can never out-wit the truth. The truth, no matter how small and how well hidden, comes out of the closet at the end. You just cannot hide the truth, so better to tell the truth and skip the chain of lies. Thankyou for making me realize that lies never work, and truth is always the only answer.

I thank you for every little failure that you've shown me, I've learned so much from them. You've taught me that failures are not just failures, they are the must-haves for success. A person who has never failed, can never succeed. Success stands on a pillar called failure. So, the number of failures you have just means the stronger the base of your success, the only catch is to never lose hope and keep trying. Thankyou for holding my back, everytime I lost hope, and showing me that one ray of hope when everything seemed so dark. Thankyou for giving the best of everything I ever needed. The best of parents, the best of siblings, the best of guardians, the best of friends, the best of companions, the best of teachers, the best of everthing. I thank you today, because you've also shown me that, everyone in this world is not as lucky as me. Everyone on this planet is not blessed like me. You have not been so good with everyone like you've been with me. Though there were times I called you partial and mean and unfair, I didnt realise that you are way too partial and too good towards me. Thankyou for being so partial with me, and giving me all the happiness and joy and comfort in my life. Thankyou.

Life, you have made me the person that I am today. You have always showered me with surprises. You never cease to surprise me at every corner, every turn on my path. You've taught me that only change is constant, rest everything changes. We must not hold on to things, letting go is the nature and rule of life. Nothing lasts forever, one day everything has to go away...your friends, your lover, your partner, your parents, everything! Holding onto them just ensures that you cant progress in your life. Move on, enjoy the freshness of the new things around. Enjoy in the expectation of unexpected. This is life, and you must move on.

You have taught me that the only powerful moving force around is LOVE. Love everyone, smile at everyone. You might just make someone's day blissful and happy with your smile. So, smile all the time! Thankyou for teaching me something new everyday. A new experience everyday. A new adventure everyday. And most importantly, giving me a new day everyday! I feel blessed just because I'm still alive and happy! Thankyou.

But having said all this, I also have a request for you, dont squeeze me like a lemon, or crush me like a sugarcane, because..... Ouch! it hurts!!

"Taste kahan he???"

Where is the taste gone out of our lives? Where is the inspiration? Where is the force gone which made us work harder and harder?? Its gone, lost somewhere. Lost on facebook and twitter. The energy is spent already. The motivation is missing from our lives. I remember an ad of a chat masala, where people ask the same question in chorus, "taste kahan he?". Today, I ask the same question to myself. "Taste kahan he??"

There was a time when I was inspired and motivated about the goals in my life. My destination seemed so crystal clear. Even today my destination is clear to me, but the motivation to walk on that path, the inspiration, the confidence seems to be lacking in certain proportions. The proportions although are scaringly high.

The time when all I saw was my life, my career, my goals, my future and was inspired to strive hard to attain them is the time that I miss today. Why? The inspiration is missing! I'm not inspired to work hard. I dont feel like burning the midnight oil. My mind wanders on unwanted thoughts, I try to bring it back but in that process, I too get lost! And once I get lost, its almost impossible to get back to reality. Not that this is the first time its happening to me, just that its happening at a crucial time like this. Yes, this time is crucial for me, very crucial, and I must deliver my best and succeed!

I feel like Arjuna, standing in the battlefeild with a bow and arrow in my hand, my imaginary family standing against me, and I feel low. I am not motivated to fight. I feel too small to put up this fight againt such a huge army. I have already lost the battle in my mind and feel like a loser. I feel like giving up, standing at a point where I haven't even started. I need a Krishna, to inspire me, motivate me, and push me to do my best, work with my entire potentials and win the battle. But Krishna is missing from this Kurukshetra. I look everywhere for Krishna but he is just not visible to my naked eye. I need Krishna to show me his Vishvarupa so that I feel inspired to work hard and win the battle with complete dedication to my goal. But well... Krishna is missing from my version of kurukshetra. What a tragedy! Can you imagine Mahabharata without Krishna? No! Its practically impossible! It just doesn't fit the laws of nature. There is no success without inspiration, motivation and dedication! Even if you have the question paper in your hand a day before the examination,and you dont feel motivated or inspired to learn those few answers, you cant pass, as simple as that!

Why am I saying all this? Because my finals are on my head and I still dont feel inspired and motivated to engross myself into books! Oh Krishna, show me thy Vishvarupa! Tell me thy holy words and inspire me!

Books being my soulmate in life, I feel so heartbroken! Yes, this temporary break-up with books is making me frustated and restless, all at the same time. Yes, all you out there, who are nursing a heart-ache, I completely sympathize with you. I do understand how you feel, because I too feel the same right now. I feel ditched, but thankfully, the one to ditch me is my mind and my books. I want my zen back. I want my books back. And most importantly, I want my inspiration back!

So, I end it here, wondering again, "taste kahan he??" and hoping I get the chat masala back in my life soon!

Whats new....?!!

Just today afternoon before dozing off in my warm blanket, I thought about the blog... gosh,its been so long I haven't penned down anything! Yeahh.. I was a bit messed up! Thoughts didnt flow through my mind like they used to be, or like my friend calls it, I wasn't zen! (No, not the car! Zen here means, being the channel of positive energy and being in sync with the universe on the whole.) So, now, I am zen, and here I am!

So, as usual, I am going to write about the latest happenings in my life, apart from college, class, books, shopping, and clicking pics! ;)

Whats new in my life, I ask myself. There are many things and many people. Some old relations gaining their true meaning while some new ones loosing theirs. Some old companions coming back into my life while some new ones going far away. Some new acquaintances becoming an intregal part of living while the old ones taking the backstage. Aah! So much for a meek life-form like me!

So I ask myself again, whats new in my life? The answer is vague, yet clear. Temporary, yet permanent. Not relevant, yet too important. Right here, yet not visible. I ask myself again, whats new in my life?! I concentrate on it. I think about it. Yes, sure, I know the answer to that question. Whats new in my life? Its many things.

Right from the book in my hand, the clothes in my wardrobe, the name in my inbox, the person on my mind, the name that comes to my mind when I have to share something, the people close to me, my priorities, my best friends' list, to the pair of shoes on the rack, the colour on my nails... its all new!

But then again, old is gold! Yes, as much as I enjoy the new things in my life, I miss the old ones equally...or maybe more! I dont know if its right to compare the old and the new, but damn yes, I miss them! Its not that I regret any decision I've taken so far. No. Thats not me. I never regret anything because at a certain point of time, that was exactly what I wanted to do. So no regrets for sure. But... the word but... It has started getting a pain in my butt! :P [I should try my hands on poetry someday again.. you know the humor poems! ;)]

After all this time I realized the only thing new in my life is 'change'. Everything around me and inside me is going through a change. Change for something better. Trying to make anything permanent at this stage is going to lead me and others into trouble! Aah! I ask myself again, whats new in my life? I get the answer this time. Its 'change'. 'Change' is new to my life right now. And I am loving this change. Dont know for how long, how far, but yes, I am going to accept the change again as and when it comes to visit my life. 'Cause, change is the only thing which is permanent till eternity...!!